There once was an ugly unicorn named Steward, he had a puce mane and a mustard yellow coat. His voice was very deep and his eyes were a horribly colored blue. He led a very simple life, which did not bring him much trouble…until a miniature pony moved in next door. Now this was no ordinary pony, it had a mane that was bursting with flame, and walked on rainbows. This pony was so famous that it had no other name than “miniature rainbow walking pony”. Steward felt a wet soggy tear run down his face, which ended up making his allergies terrible (he’s allergic to water). While the miniature rainbow walking pony was moving in, Steward was busy think up ways to get him out. He would knowingly devour the ponies prized petunias, and steal his mail at night. Because his flowers were “missing”, the pony hurried to the nearby flowershop…which Steward happened to work at. The shop was drowning in flowers, trees, shrubs, and seed packets. The high pitch jingle of a doorbell let Steward know that he had a customer, who was hopefully eager to buy something. Steward excitedly trotted out from the back of the shop, only to be greeted by the most disturbing sight he had ever seen…miniature rainbow walking pony staring gleefully at a row of bright rabbleshnorp petunias. (It’s a color similar to pink). Steward almost lost his cool, but quickly realized the opportunity he had in the palm of his hoof.
“Top of the morning to ya!” Steward warmly remarked.
“’Ello there,” the pony replied, “could I get a few of these petunias? They seem to be exploding with color.” miniature rainbow walking pony nodded towards the flowers and started to the register when Steward interjected.
“Oh, those petunias? Sure, but do you want to hear a tip about caring for them?” With a sly look on his face Steward picked up two of the pots and carried them to the counter. The pony’s eyes widened, and his mouth fell open.
“Of course!” he exclaimed, “as if I’d want to hear anything else?!”
Steward glanced around the bustling shop to be sure there was no one else listening, and whispered in to the pony’s ear.
The next morning Steward was pulling into the parking lot, when he noticed a small glowing figure inside the shop. He jumped out of his Prius and ran desperately inside…but he was too late. Lights were dangling from the ceiling, smashed flower pots and dirt covered the floor, and his cash register was laying in a crumpled pile in the corner. He rushed to its side, doing his best to soothe it.
“There there,” he blubbered with tears rolling down his face. “I’ll avenge you, I swear…I’ll find them, and I’ll make them pay!” Steward stood up, his legs shaky. It was then that he realized a rainbow note sitting on the counter. He cautiously walked towards the note, picking it up with the greatest of care. After reading it, he dropped the crumpled piece of paper on the cold ground as he exited the shop. All he left behind him was a room full of destroyed dreams, a lost love, and a piece of paper that only said, “Thanks for the tip”.
Steward was furious, miniature rainbow walking pony had gone too far! The shop he could understand, but the register was too much. That was his only companion in the world. He rushed home, plans of revenge flying through his mind. Once safely in his house, Steward put his plans to work. He grabbed duct tape, saran wrap, six dozen eggs, plastic forks, a pad of paper, and a black sharpie.
The next morning miniature rainbow walking pony was making himself an omelet for breakfast, he cracked an egg into a bowl while humming his favorite song. But something was wrong! No egg came out of the shell! He quickly realized that the egg was hardboiled and decided that he must’ve forgotten it in the carton. He tried another, two, three, four more! The same thing happened each time. The pony stared frustratedly into carton, and decided to have cereal instead. After breakfast it was off to work, he grabbed his briefcase and headed out the door…only to be greeted by a wall of duct tape! Miniature rainbow walking pony threw his briefcase on the floor and tore threw the wall, practically foaming at the mouth. What he saw next, you would not believe. There were thousands of plastic forks stuck into his once perfect lawn, soggy toilet paper covering his trees, dried egg strewn across his house, and his car was wrapped in duct tape with notes stuck to the windows. They all said the same thing, “WAR!!”
They met at midnight in an abandoned alley. The only light that illuminated the scene was from the moon, the only sound was that of revenge. Steward stepped confidently out of the shadows, his only weapon was the fluorescent pink horn on his head. His eyes met with miniature walking pony’s, and a snicker escaped his lips.
“What is that?!”
Steward couldn’t help but laugh at the wooden horn taped to the pony’s head. It was absurd! Who had ever heard of such a thing?! Steward rolled on the ground laughing hysterically, unable to stop. When he was finally able to compose himself, he took a battle stance and a puff of his inhaler. Then he nodded, readying himself for the war that was about to emerge. The two not-horses ran at each other as fast as they could, horn and wood connected, flesh tore and blood spilt. The whole thing was so terrible that the penguin police were called. But by the time they got there, it was too late. There was only one victor standing in the alley. Chalk outlines were drawn on the icy ground, ambulances carried away cold bodies, and the victor was driven away in a squad car.
“Now, what happened tonight?” the chief of penguin police inquired.
“Well sir,” the shaky voice replied, “I was on my way to work when I passed the alley. There was an awful lot of ruckus going on so I flew closer to see what was going on. There was an extremely ugly unicorn, and a miniature pony with a flaming mane and rainbow underfoot who seemed to be dueling. The unicorn kept shouting how absurd the pony’s wooden horn was, and how nothing could compete with his own horn. It was then that the pony took his chance, he lowered his head and charged the unicorn…stabbing him right in the heart. The unicorn gasped, and collapsed on the ground. The pony celebrated his victory, cheering and prancing about. It was then that he noticed me, he stopped, shrieked and fell over dead…I guess he’d never seen a fairy before!” The chief slowly nodded his head, taking in all the information and then remarked “Although the pony was victorious in the battle, he lost in a sense too. I guess it is true what they say…pride does come before a fall.”